Friday, 27 April 2012

Man flu

As I write, The Husband is suffering from the most serious affliction that could befall the male of the species. I do, of course, mean Man Flu. When women get Man Flu (or 'a cold' as we call it), the world doesn't stop. We still have the housework, jobs, kids to look after, shopping to do. We have a Lemsip, a bit of a whinge on Facebook about feeling like sh*t on a stick and then get on with things. But men? They do this strange squinty-eyed thing and turn into mouth breathers, only breathing through their nose to prove how blocked up it is. They cough with their mouths shut which makes their lips wobble and sound like a horse. They make sure the entire world is aware of just how poorly they are, by announcing the onset of Man Flu and 'THRRRRRFFFFFFF'ing loudly into a tissue whenever anyone who wasn't aware of their illness is near. They refuse to take medications that may help relieve the symtoms of Man Flu, in case the symptoms are relieved and the duration is lessened. Even my son who is two exhibits the same behaviour, which is obviously inherited rather than learned. His sister didn't suffer from Man Flu - sorry, a cold - til she was 2 and a half, and didn't utter so much as a whinge. But the Boychild was a different kettle of fish. That boy was born with Man Flu and has suffered regularly since. He also has a peculiar habit of being sick when he has a cold, which is nice. Goes to bed with the sniffles, and wakes up in a pile of puke. So mums, prepare your daughters. Because if they think that their boyfriends will be nothing like their dads, they are in for a rude awakening! Man Flu crosses all physical and environmental boundaries, all ages and all generations; there will never be a vaccine and no amount of research will ever uncover a cure. The Rainforests do not contain plants that hold the secret remedy, nor do Old Wives tales apply where Man Flu is concerned. The only solution is a bottle of wine and some earplugs...for us women!

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