- Why can flies find their way into the house through a crack in a housebrick, yet when you leave all the windows and doors wide open, the dozy articles are completely unable to locate their exit? Even flapping at them with a magazine in the direction of an open door doesn't help.
- Why are children deaf to anything you ask them to do, but can hear the opening of the fridge/cupboard door from 10 miles away?
- Why won't Imogen Thomas / The Kardashian's / The GoCompare advert man / all Big brother housemates (past and present) just shut up and go away?
- Speaking of The Kardashian's, why have they all got (some quite obviously made up) first names beginning with K?
- Why is it that when you've spent half an hour putting suncream on, getting your lounger, radio and book together, the sun goes in?
- And why is it that if there are clouds in the sky, they ALWAYS go in front of the sun?
- Why are hoop earrings physically impossible to fasten?
- Why do you always want a bag of chips after going swimming?
- Why is it, when you have to wear shorts or a skirt, do you either cut yourself shaving, or have a huge bruise on your leg?
- Why do fish from pet shops die with about two hours, but when your neighbour gives you a Morrisons carrier bag full of them, the bleeders just will not die?
- What is paranoia called when you know you're right to be paranoid?
- How do they know that blondes have more fun? Has there ever been a survey?
- Why does Barry Scott from the Cillit bang adverts always shout?
- Why am I the only one in this house bothered about cleaning?
- Why do I still have people as friends on Facebook when they clearly don't like me, and I'm not bothered?
- Why does cucumber give me the raging burps when it's 99.9% water?
- At what age is it deemed inappropriate to wear a bikini? Ditto mini skirts?
- What's the difference between Diet Coke and Coke Zero?
- Is it ever acceptable to gaffer tape your kids mouths up and shut them in a cupboard? Even if they're really getting on your nerves and it's only for ten minutes?
- Guinea pigs are just big rats, so why can you teach rats to do tricks but guinea pigs are literally the thickest animals in existence?
- How many animals is it acceptable to bring home before your husband threatens you with divorce?
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
Forget crop circles, alien abductions, the Bermuda triangle, UFO sightings, bleeding Virgin Mary statues and fairies. My head is whirling with a million unanswered questions and unsolved mysteries of my own. It's not the Loch Ness monster that keeps me awake at nights, it's a multitude of minutae, a myriad worries, a tempest of trivia! This is by no means an exhaustive list, please feel free to add your own - or even better, give me answers to mine!