I took The Daughter to my best friends house this weekend; a 3 hour and 2 dvd car journey away. Aside from her not sleeping or doing as she was told, it was a good weekend. We went to a kite festival on the Saturday, and steered her away from the giant airborne sperm and cervix (I mean, really. Who buys a sperm and cervix kite?). And on Sunday we went to visit Peppa Pig World at Paulton's Park in Hampshire. For those not in the know, Peppa is an animated talking (and precocious) infant aged pig. She speaks like she's got a problem with her adenoids, is a bossy little madam, and has a little brother, George, who cries all the time. Her Daddy is a know-all, her Mummy works from home, and there are various other animal characters who make regular appearances including a rabbit who works at a museum, in a supermarket, at the recycling centre, drives a bus, flies a helicopter and works as a dental nurse. Inside the theme park is an area devoted to Peppa Pig, with themed rides and landmarks (landmarks? is that the word I'm looking for?) like Peppa's House and Daddy Pig's Campervan. The only reason we went there was to see the Peppa bit, but was she interested? Was she buggery. She was much more interested in the huge terrifying rollercoasters like Cobra and Magma which, unfortunately, were the ones that had 9 hour queues. As we stood with aching legs and a vaguely full bladder in the 30 minute queue for The Cobra, I amused myself by looking at the arms of the woman in front. She had the plushest, hairiest arms I've ever seen, like an Alpaca or a Mohair goat. While we were queueing, the thought seriously crossed my mind that I could surreuptitiously trim her and sell her hair.
To be quite honest, the extra money made from my black-market-arm-hair enterprise would have come in really handy after the amount I spent at that place. Fifty quid to get in, nearly twenty quid on lunch, a fiver on win-a-teddy fairground stalls. Although, we did win a massive 'Hangry Bird' (as The Daughter calls them. To me, 'Hangry' is how I get when I have low blood sugar levels), a toy penguin, a 'Rabbid' toy and a cuddly starfish. I was awesome! The Fairground Gods were smiling down on me as I got that ball in the red cup!
I always used to feel a bit short changed when I went to theme parks as a kid, swallowing back the pangs of jealousy for the people eating their over priced burger and chips as we sat and ate our home-made sandwiches and party rings. Similarly when I went to the cinema. My first cinematic experience was watching 'BMX Bandits' with an orange cup-drink and a 10p mix. But now? Well, it's not a night out unless you've spent £7.50 on a ticket, an extra fiver on 3d glasses, a fiver on a bucket of popcorn that costs about 6p to make and a bag of Revels with a 3000% mark up. Now I'm a grown up and the one PAYING for the days out and the cinema trips, I can more than see why my mum would rather have packed up some cheese butties and crisps than spend a small fortune on insanely overpriced chips. I'm dreading the time when I have to take both kids out instead of just one; if I start saving now I might just have enough for lunch at Alton Towers. Assuming I can get a Wonga.com loan for the entrance tickets!