Thursday, 3 May 2012

Hair today, gone tomorrow..?

I have a lot of hair. A whole lot. Hairdressers describe it as "fine, but there's a lot of it". The reason I have a lot of hair is thus - because as often as I get the almost-compulsive urge to have it all chopped into the latest pixie crop as I'm walking past a hairdressers, I know that within 2 days I'll be regretting it and wishing I had my Timotei-swishy curtains back. And how do I know this? Because I've done it more times than I care to remember. When it comes to hair, I've made many a mistake over the years, some more than once because pigeons learn quicker than I do. I have naturally blonde hair, which has steadily gotten a bit more dishwatery with each passing year. I always remember my mum trying to dissuade me from colouring it because "people go to crazy lengths for blonde hair like yours". And she's right - because I go to crazy lengths to get it back! The first hair-mare I had was at the age of 19. My then-boyfriend and I had been invited to a 'Pulp Fiction' party, and of course I was Uma Thurman's character Mia with her black bob. Although, while I had the bob, it wasn't black. I knew nothing about colouring back then, and went straight out to buy some semi permanent hair dye. Suffice it to say, I was the only Mia Wallace with purple hair! Alas, I was only put off for a while, and a few years down the line I was lightening my poor hair to within an inch of it's life. I had my kidney removed about 8 years ago, and as worried as I was about the operation, I was equally panicky about not being able to wash my hair for days on end. I'd read that chemical processes like colouring and perming dry out the hair and stop it getting so oily. So what did I do? I had it bleached. And if that wasn't enough, a week later  had it permed. Eek. While I asked for gentle waves to achieve a surfer chick look, I actually got frizzy loops, reminiscent of Michael Jackson in the 70's. My hair sprang up from nearly waist length to up round my ears, I was utterly horrified and it's a miracle my hair didn't just decide to fall out in disgust. The bit about it getting less oily was right anyhoo - it was as dry and rough as a scourer and the only way I could manage it was to have it all chopped off into a crop. The only problem with lightening your hair is that, once you've done it, you have to carry on doing it. You get approximately a day and half of fresh blonde hair before the roots start to creep through again - the brown line of dooooooooooom!! My long suffering tresses have been through it over the years, with bleachings that have gone wrong and brown dyes that have turned it green. Many a time have I had to make a desperate trip to Asda under cover of darkness to buy semi-permanent colour whilst wearing a baseball cap with my tangerine coloured hair stuffed inside! And I've regretted having it cut so many times, having remembered that short hair actually takes more time to wash and style than long hair does to shove into a ponytail when I have 14 seconds to get myself ready of a morning. For now at least, I am avoiding all hairdressing salons in case the words "cut it all off!" slip out of my mouth like I have some kind of Tourettes. I fear even a trim may be heading into dangerous territory, so today I sat in the bathroom getting snip-happy with my split ends and a pair of nail scissors.  So if you are in close proximity when you hear me say the words "I fancy a change with my hair", you have my absolute instructions to steal my bank cards, tie my hands behind my back and lock me in the shed until the desire has passed!

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