Farmer Giles and wonky willies

I love programmes like Embarrassing Bodies, Supersize vs Superskinny and the like. Nothing pleases me more than settling down with a box of Maltesers and a 'share' (yeah, cos that's going to happen!) bag of crisps to watch fat people show us their piles and vaginal prolapses. I can't help but be mesmerised when John whops his bent willy out in front of Dr Christian and Beryl bemoans her excessive sweating to Dr Pixie (Dr Pixie - seriously?). What is wrong with these people, that they've put up with spotty bums, teeth like hillbillys and scrotums the size of melons for years rather than see their GP, but they're quite happy to bare all on tv?! I would literally rather die than drop my kecks and show my reptilian scales (I don't really by the way), but some people seem perfectly happy to spread their cheeks and show the world their bunches of grapes. However, it is the braveness of such people that provides me with my weekly "Ewwwwwwwwww!" factor so while I mock, I'm still glued to the telly. I've got a pretty strong stomach for most things, but anything to do with feet makes me squirm. When a bloke appeared on the show a few weeks ago with skin that grew so fast on the bottom of his feet that he had to cut it off with a pen-knife, I actually nearly saw my Maltesers again. Brrrrrrrr.

Supersize Vs Superskinny is just as enjoyable, and yet I cannot understand for the life of me why someone would want the world to know that they eat a multipack of Wotsits for breakfast and are still awake at 3am emptying the bins and the dogs bowl because they've finished what's in the cupboards. Or that they have the appetite of a babybird on a diet. Seeing a massively overweight person standing next to a skeleton with hair, both dressed in greying underwear, really shouldn't make for compulsive viewing, but somehow it does. And that's another programme I like to watch whilst elbow deep in popcorn and sweets. Ah, the irony. And poor Dr Christian (again) has to raise his newly-hair-transplanted-brow and congratulate the skinny person for putting on half a pound in 3 months, while I'm sitting at home shovelling cake in my mouth and thinking "I have bigger poops than that!".