I have what is known as 'Wrappers Back'; a condition quite common at this time of year. It comes from sitting on the floor for hours at a time while surrounded by 8000 gifts - all of which are mocking me with "Stop getting distracted by Emmerdale and wrap us goddammit, there's only 2 weeks to Christmas and we're still sitting in carrier bags!". There are little bits of sellotape stuck all over the nearby furniture, to save me having to use my elbow to hold a flap of paper down while I try to break off tape with my teefs, and scrappy bits of paper that I cut a bit too small for the slow cooker but will do for the jigsaw I need to wrap in 28 presents time.
I start off wrapping with gusto, but the novelty doesn't take long to wear off. As the backache sets in and I'm missing Eastenders thanks to figuring out how to wrap a triangle shaped present (with great difficulty), my mind starts to wander to Christmas morn... Will my offspring marvel over those carefully wrapped gifts? Will they chime "Oh mama! We can scarcely bring ourselves to open these gifts, so beautifully are they presented!"? Will they open each one with decorum, reading each label in turn and appreciating the time and effort that has gone into each one? Will they chuff. If this year is anything like the last, they'll both be tearing through the paper with all the fervour of a starving dog in a bin! The Boychild will want every single thing taking out of the box to play with (why does everything come screwed and wired into the box these days? What's wrong with a bit of polystyrene?) which means he'll still be opening his mid-afternoon. While The Daughter goes through her sacks like a tiny tornado, barely even looking at what she's got. Maybe she'll be momentarily slowed down by the dog-poo game though, and I swear - if that game comes as an almighty disappointment after all the wheedling she's done - it's going on Ebay first thing boxing day! There is ONE thing I like about wrapping - instead of cutting the paper, I do that 'Szchuszching' thing, where you slide the scissors through the paper. Makes me feel like a ninja.
Well, I'd better get wrapping, there's a 15 minute window til Emmerdale starts. On the other hand, I could just stick a load of sellotape round the carrier bags and save us all the effort..?