Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Say Cheese!

For an old bird, I don't think I'm in bad nick. With a bit of slap and some forgiving lighting ( semi darkness, a bit of alcohol and poor eyesight in the beholder doesn't hurt either) I'm not too shabby. So why do I have to be the most unphotogenic person in the world? Stick me in front of a lense and it all goes wrong. What I hope is a cheeky 'girl next door' grin actually makes me look like a maniac. If I'm captured mid-laugh, I look like I've had way too much Ribena and need a lie down. What is 'good bone structure' in real life gives me the sharp features of Winnie the Witch once captured by 8megapixels.

My mum gave up trying to look decent in photos years ago, bless her, and consistently pulls a 'look at me, I'm a bit drunk and lairy!' face. Which is fine, of course, if you are a bit drunk and lairy, but I had to step in and stop her giving (what is known to schoolkids everywhere as ) 'The Chin' in our wedding photographs. It's safe to say this affliction runs in our family as The Daughter is also exhibiting the same symptoms. When she was a toddler she had a lovely smile for photos; not a glimpse of self-consciousness. But over the past year or so she's become so aware of the camera and pulls the most awful fake smiles. I've had to politely decline her last two school photographs because they were, quite frankly hideous.  Surely professional photographers are able to get even the most reluctant child to relax and smile, but not my girl. Oh no. She had a smile so mean it could turn you to stone, and eyes like slits because she hates the flash. In real life she's so pretty and animated and I wish photographs reflected that instead of turning her into a freaky little bean.

The Husband says that photos don't do me justice, but he has to say that - it was one of the conditions of us getting married that he told me ego-boosting falsehoods as often as possible. Of course I know he's lying but I have to try and believe him. If I thought I actually walked around looking like a maniacal Winne the Witch on a sugar high, I would start saving for plastic surgery right now! I wonder how much I've got in that penny jar...?

1 comment:

  1. I have a similar problem with photographs. Only in any photograph of myself my head appears to have (very noticeably) inflated to about 4x it's size. This looks strange enough in a photograph of me alone, but add other people into the image and I look positively circus freakesque.