Sunday, 2 September 2012

When I grow up..

Ok, so I'm halfway through being halfway to seventy, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I have an English degree, which has had the grand sum of Zero help towards any of the jobs I've done since University;  knowing how Victorian female writers represented women characters in their novels did nothing to aid me when talking customers through balance transfers and being able to recognise Iambic pentameter was chuff all help when composing responses to customer's complaints about their half-yearly sewerage bill. Unless of course I fancied writing them a little poem, which probably wouldn't have gone down all that well with OFWAT.

Don't get me wrong, I've done the career thing - it's not like I've just bummed about bouncing from one job to the next. I had a managerial position for years, and while I did enjoy the challenge at times, it was also a huge, stressful headache. People management is rather like being a nursery nurse; telling people off, telling them when they've done something well and cleaning up other people's crap. I've also done the more 'menial' type work, which actually was more enjoyable than the grown-up jobs. I spent a year in an animal rescue centre, and if it hadn't have been for several of my colleagues thinking I was up my own arse and wondering what an ex-manager was doing cleaning cat trays (I happened to like it! Well, not like it, but you know what I mean..), I would have absolutely loved that job.

So now, I'm doing the 'Mum' thing while The Childbeasts are young. For some people the words 'Stay at home mum' go in their ears as 'gormless idiot who does nothing but washing and watching Jeremy Kyle'. In a years time, however, both of them will be at school and Mummy will have some time on her hands. And what to do, what to do? I did intend to start studying towards a degree in Midwifery, but then I risk getting broody again and, after the horror of the last six weeks I would rather pull my toenails out than have to face the school holidays with 3 kids!

It was all so much clearer when I was younger. I wanted to work as a stable-hand in the My Little Pony grooming parlour first of all. Then I had designs on being an Orthodontist. i didn't really know what an orthodontist did, but it sounded really impressive. Now I can actually think of little else worse than sticking my face down near manky gobs, picking off plaque and scraping tongues.  But what could I be? I'd love to be a writer - but a decent one, not just peddling out the same old romantic pap and cringeworthy dialogue. Or a stand up comedian maybe, a female and Northern version of Micky Flanagan.  Surely I can't be the only grown up who doesn't know what they want to be when they're a grown up? I wonder if there are any vanacies going at the My Little Pony grooming parlour these days...?

1 comment:

  1. You're not alone! I have no idea what I want to be either. I have different ideas for different weeks but non of them ever sit truly right with me.

    At one point when I was younger I wanted to ba a baker, farmer, vet and hairdresser all at the same time. My plan was to get up early and bake all the bread, then go and feed the animals on the farm, go and check on the animals at my vets practice and administer any necessary medication, then go and cut hair. After lunch I would then do it all in reverse before going to bed. So as revolting as being an orthodontist sounds at least it's relatively normal!