I wonder...

Today, while in B&Q buying a set of paint pads, I suddenly thought about how human ears are the only part of the body aside from hair and nails) that carry on growing through adulthood and through your twilight years. But simultaneously, some people shrink in height as they get older. So, does this mean that - if combined with the average life expectancy increasing - in a centuries time there will be some sprightly but shrunken 150 year olds shambling around like pixies with ears the size of dinner plates?

Over the years there have been so many unanswered questions that have kept me awake at night and kept me pondering during the day. My head is full of odd thoughts, here are just a few...

Why is your funny bone so called? You hit that bugger, the last thing you want to do is laugh because the buzzing feeling makes you feel queasy. Why is a papercut more painful than a huge wound? Do hairdressers/dentists/doctors/podiatrists etc do their own? And why does my dentist have bad breath?  Why do hospital gowns fasten at the back - is it deemed more acceptable to flash your bum at nurses than it is your frontal bits? What is the point of decaff tea and coffee? Why do I order a large Big Mac meal (other fast food outlets are available) with a diet Coke? Why does cucumber make me windy when it's 99.9% water? Why does it always rain for the brief period I am out of the house for the school run? Why is it not possible for me to have just one drink? And why do hangovers last for 3 days when you get to over 30? Why do Michael Winner/Ainsley Harriott/Melanie Sykes/Peter Andre get on my norks so much? Why do my kids insist they don't need the toilet but the second we sit down to eat or leave the house, one will urgently need a poo? Why do I even bother tidying up? At what age should I stop shopping in Topshop and wearing cartoon t-shirts? A bird is 20m up in the air and has the choice of several gardens to poop in, so why does it always land on one of my nearly-dry bedsheets?

Answers on a postcard please. I'm off to measure my ears!